Hi,
It sounds like Mamie has gone through a lot in the past couple of years, since the loss of your other cat. Cats grieve also, in their own ways. The addition of your little boy Ike, in April, further upset her applecart, as it were.
In addition to these recent changes in her life, she doesn't see you for half the year. Is it not feasible for you to take the cats with you when you go to NY?
Mamie most likely has taken to this neighbor and hangs around there when she should be returning home, because the neighbor is there all the time, (when you're away), and she doesn't have to share her space with another cat.
I think if you could get Mamie and Ike (REALLY cute names! : )) on better terms and also lessen the tension in your household, this would be beneficial.
Cats are creatures of habit and don't take kindly to change. Just as people, cats have different personalities and some might adapt to a new environment, situation, or addition of another cat without much ado. Most cats though, do take a while to adapt to changes in their lives--it's just part of the feline psyche.
Try a product called Feliway. This is a synthetic feline pheromone which is made to help stressed/anxious cats and those in multi-cat households. It comes in spray form and plug in diffusers which treat an entire room. They're available at Petsmart/Petco and other pet supply stores, online and some vet offices carry it. For more info, please see:
www.feliway.com
www.catfaeries.com/feliway.html
Try playing an 'interactive' game with both cats.
There's a toy called a fishing pole toy or feather dancer. It'a long plastic pole, elastic string and from the string dangles a cat-attractive toy with feathers, mylar strips, etc. You bounce the toy up and down by moving the pole and the cats try to catch it. They LOVE it! You must play with them well-supervised with this toy, because pieces CAN be chewed off and they can also try to chew the elastic string. Always play WITH them and then put it away behind closed doors where you're sure they can't get at it. Never leave it in the room with them alone. You CAN let them catch the toy, but make sure they don't bite off pieces, by taking it away again. If you and the cats play together with this toy, it should help your bond with Mamie to be re-established and also help the relationship between Ike and Mamie to be strengthened.
Another good bonding activity is grooming. If Mamie likes to be brushed/combed, do this when she comes in for the night--so she looks forward to it--and/or at any time during the day, also. Does Ike go outside, too or is he inside-only?
The way to a cat's heart is through her stomach....try offering some special (nutritious, of course) treats when she comes home at night, or when you have to 'retrieve' her.
As long as Mamie is not exhibiting any physical symptoms (you take her for annual vet visits and she's up on her vaccinations and is on a monthly flea preventative, right?), try to deal with these emotional issues by trying my suggestions.
I hope things change for the better very soon! : )
Please keep me posted. Thanks!
Cher
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